Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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