all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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