I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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