She is in my trunk
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
