Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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