am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
