it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
