Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
