Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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