can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
