I just pynch a tree in the face
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
