Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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