Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
