I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
