giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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