did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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