I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
