I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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