Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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