i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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