Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
