you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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