ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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