i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
