i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
