She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
