I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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