Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
