Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
