Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
