no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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