I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
honey bunches of taint.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
