You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
