also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
