i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
