Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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