Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
