Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
