ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Congratulations! We have a period
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