u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
