She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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