She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
