It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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