You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
