She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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