I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
