I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
