sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
