Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
