I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
