So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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