Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
