The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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