Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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