i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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