You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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