It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
